My First Year of Being a Mama

If you have been following my blog for the past few years, then you have probably read some of my pregnancy topics that I have written about. It wasn’t a secret that I was super nervous about having a baby. To be honest…I was on the fence as to whether or not I even wanted to have one. When the time came we took the approach of not trying to get pregnant, but not not trying (if you know what I mean.) I was leaving it in the fate of the universe to decide whether or not turn our family of three (me and my hubby and my step-duaghter) into a family of four.

Well within a matter of months, it was in the cards for us to prepare to welcome a new addition. I went through so many different emotions through my pregnancy. Fear, anxiety, nervousness of the unexpected, excited for this new chapter, joyful, proud, terrified…I think it’s safe to say that I might have experienced the whole spectrum of feelings.

And now that a year has passed, I want to reflect on what motherhood was like for me this past year, and how my life has changed.

I’m not going to lie…being a Mom is hard. It’s a full time job that lasts the rest of your life. You rarely get a break, you are constantly on call, and most of the work lies in your hands. If you are lucky enough to have a super involved husband then you might get some reprieve. However for the vast majority of us Mamas, we carry the brunt of the work.

Looking back, it’s really unbelievable how quickly the time has flown. The evolving challenges that we have overcome are starting to seem like a distant memory. Someone asked me what month Ryker started to roll over…hmm gosh I can’t even remember. Let me look back into my video archive to see when I documented that milestone.

My “me” time has diminished quite drastically. The time has become “our” time. I would be lying if I said I didn’t look forward to Ryker’s nap times, or his bedtime, so that I can actually work on things for me…like this blog; or do laundry, or bake cookies, or vacuum…

But the funny thing is, once a little bit of time passes and he snoozes away, I start to wish that he was awake. I think of something funny he did, and I just want to run into his room and wake him up. Because even though motherhood is lot of work, and caring for another human being 24/7 is exhausting, it really does bring about such a special bond and love that you cannot explain.

Whenever I’m putting Ryker to bed, and I’m done reading to him and singing the lullaby that has become our nightly ritual, I look into his eyes and whisper to him all the things that I want him to know and remember. And I know at that point I can lay him into his crib and he will put himself to sleep (yay for sleep training). But there is a part of me that just wants to hold him a little bit longer; to lean against his head and enjoy his calm energy that he emits when he is getting ready to close his eyes. These are some of my favorite moments.

I miss the snuggles of the infant stage when I could lay on the couch, exhausted from sleepless nights, and Ryker would curl on my chest and sleep for hours….literally hours. Nowadays, I can snag some hugs and kisses, but a total cuddle sesh and a nap on my chest if few and far between if ever. This little guy is so full of energy and curiosity that he definetly keeps me on my toes.

But this is by far my favorite stage yet. He is walking and mobile. Seeing him take his first steps was one of the best moments ever. He was so happy and proud of himself. Now he loves to run around and explore….EVERYTHING. He loves to imitate my husband and I. Whether it be funny faces, sounds, sign language… we all find it amusing.

He has 8 teeth and loves to eat. He is addicted to fruit…and can literally down a full plate of mixed berries and bananas and 5 clementines in one sitting. He is usually pretty open to foods, if his mood is right. Ryker is a screamer - yea I know, break the habit now. He definitely knows what he wants, and what he doesn’t want.

I could go on and on of all the little details that make Ryker the adventurous and loving little boy that he is. But the most important thing is that Ryker has changed me and my life in the most unexpected ways. Every morning, Ryker wakes up with the biggest grin on his face, which means I get toto start my day with a smile and guaranteed hug and kiss.

I have a partner in crime…a little side kick now. I have someone who runs to me when he is scared, or when he needs to be comforted, or when he just wants to check in and make sure I’m still in close proximity. I worry more now, but about different things. It’s not about the parties anymore, or the Friday night plans. It’s about what I can do to make this little kid turn into the most loving and caring person he is capable of. I focus on trying to pass on the best values and morals that I know and I focus on trying to shape his life in the most positive way that I can - to teach him things, and see him laugh and grow. These are all of the best things now. Watching him bop his head and drop his bootie to the beat is still one of my favorite things to witness. And who ever thought I would want to continuously kiss these little feet all day long!

Yes- I miss the old days. I reminisce of the Jesrey Shore and the Patio Bar, and riding bikes late night to the bar where we had our regular spot and our weekend crew. Sometimes I try to recreate those moments. My husband and I will get a sitter, and go the Patio bar and order food and grab some beers. But after an hour or so it becomes apparent to me that my heart is at home.

This year has flown by. Ryker has grown in leaps and bounds and this is only the beginning. It’s hard, but the joy and laughter that has flooded our home is well worth it. Happy Birthday little man. I hope that all of your dreams always come true, laughter and love always fill your heart, and you continue to shine your beautiful soul to all who are blessed enough to know you.

<3

P.S.

Did you know that Pink Blush is a company that isn’t just for pregnant women? I loved their clothes for when I needed maternity items, but they have the cutest things for once you have your baby in your arms. The dress from Ryker’s birthday is a gorgeous Pink Blush find. You can shop the look below!