Should Your Toddler Sleep In Your Bed?

Whenever my husband leaves, I hate climbing into bed alone. I miss being snuggled, and the warmth of human contact next to me. If I wake up in the middle of the night, it’s comforting to turn over and see someone right beside me. When he is absent, there is a loneliness that creeps in at night. Sometimes, I’ll admit, I enjoy the space. However, most of the time I’m longing for him to be there.

Which segues into the topic: Should kids be allowed to sleep in our beds?

This is such a controversial topic amongst families. Should your child be able to sleep in your bed?? I’m not talking about babies with the risk of SIDS. (It is not recommended for babies under the age of 3 months to co-sleep. There are many risks, including an overtired parent rolling over them and not realizing it.) I am talking about when your child is walking and talking and becoming their own little person.

It is really interesting, because the idea of not co sleeping, and putting our babies in their own room is a more recent and Westernized practice. If you look up studies on co-sleeping, most cultures co-sleep with their kids, whether it be in the same bed, or in the same room.

I have always had it in my mind that my child wouldn’t sleep in my bed; add this to a list of things I thought I would never do. But once again, being a Mom has proved to me that what you think will happen, and what actually happens might not play out exactly as anticipated.

Ryker is 22 months. He has been walking since he was 10.5 months, and he has been talking up a storm for quite a while now. He is able to communicate things and express himself - which to me is pretty impressive for someone who isn’t even 2.

I did the whole sleep training bit, and he has no problem actually going to sleep in his crib, minus the few odd nights here and there. This past month, however, there have been more and more nights where he wakes up in the middle of the night crying. I look at the monitor, and he is standing in his crib waiting for one of us to go into his room. I go in, whisper night night, and he will usually lay back down. This ritual either works for good, or continues on. Just as I am about to fall back asleep, he stands up and cries again, until I reluctantly pick him up and asks him wants wrong.

“Outside!” “Mama’s bed.”

At which point, I bring Ryker into our room and ask Jay what we should do. Now you should all know that by me asking him this, I already know the answer. I am always the “bad cop” per say. I am more strict, more on schedule when it comes to Ryker. I am the one who did the sleep training. I am the one who sets the boundaries and tends to stick it out, despite a crying toddler.

“I’m so tired babe, just bring him into bed.”

Being that this is the third time i have attempted to make Ryker fall back asleep, I bring him into our bed and plop his right between the two of us. The rest of the night is pretty peaceful, minus a random slap to the face which jolts me out of my sleep.

The next morning I will ask Ryker what happened last night.

“Ryer’s bed, “ he says. “I crying.”

“I know baby why were you crying.”

“I sad.”

Immediate heartbreak.

“Why were you sad?”

This is pretty much where the conversation ends. I am not sure if Ryker had a bad dream, or if he just wants to be near us.

This topic is a really tough one for me. Part of me feels like it is important for us to teach our littles ones how to sleep by themselves. The other part of me taps into our human instincts to not want to be alone. Don’t most of us want to cuddle up with someone at night, to feel close to one another? If that seems to be human nature to not want to be alone, why do we feel the need to force a little baby who is only months old to be away from all of their human contact?

Part of me loves snuggling up with Ryker. I love waking up and seeing him sleeping peacefully next to us. I know that he feels safe and comforted which is all I ever want for him.

Does it happen every night? NO - not yet anyway. Will he grow out of it? YES!, although my step daughter who is 12 still crawls into our bed sometimes in the middle of the night…

Is co sleeping wrong, or right? I don’t think there is an answer to this question. I think it really all depends on what works for your family, and your little ones. For now , this seems to be working for us. I hope it doesn’t turn into a nightly habit, but my main goal is to make sure my child is safe and secure. All we can do is keep following our motherly instinct, and do our best.

<3

P.S.

Update, one of my Mama friends informed that Ryker is going through his 22 month- 2 year old leap. During this time, kids have a regression where they are aware of loneliness and can develop separation anxiety. Well that explains a lot!! Do you co sleep with your kids? What advice or experiences do you have to offer? Comment below!