Getting Real About Motherhood
Current status: Sitting on the dock of the bay….sipping my wine, and trying to figure out how to best word this blog so I don’t come across as negative and ungrateful.
I’ve been thinking all day about my next blog topic, and after this last holiday weekend, I knew I had to write about Motherhood. But not the fluffy, happy motherhood that most Moms gush about. I’m talking about the nitty gritty motherhood. You know…the real stuff.
If you follow me along on Instagram, you know that this past weekend we were at Lake George for the 4th of July, which has been a long standing tradition of ours (minus last year since Ryker was only 2 months old). My first night there, I met a woman who was 6 months pregnant. We immediately clicked, and she turned to me and said, “Tell me about Motherhood. And I want the truth…don’t sugarcoat it.”
The truth about Motherhood… The first thought I always have is…it’s hard. Motherhood is Mother F'*ing hard. <—-Is that saying a coincidence? Nope!
I want to preface this with I love my son…SO much. I love him deeply. I love his smiles and giggles, and I love hugging him when he is sad. I love seeing him grow and change every single day.
But all of this love comes with a lot of struggle and battles within myself. And I find that for some reason, Moms don’t really want to talk about these hardships or struggles. Whenever any of my friends get pregnant I’m ecstatic for them…over the moon! To be honest…I LOVE being on this side of the coin. I get to listen to their experiences and dole out advice when needed because I have already been there, done that. Do I wish I was in their position…hell no! Whenever people get pregnant, we tell them how wonderful it is, and how happy we are for them, and how this is the most exciting thing. We tend to leave out the truth of the daily struggles, the sleepless nights, the stresses, and anxieties.
I found myself censoring my stories to my one BFF because she is due in a month and I don’t want to scare her. My other BFF who has a four month old is a different story. Once her baby was born our conversations changed from the fluff of motherhood, to the real deal. She called me the other day talking about how her daughter hasn’t slept…and I said to her, “We can be real now. Motherhood is no joke. It’s freakin hard! Sometimes I think to myself…what did I do?” To which she responded, “I think the same thing on the daily.”
This doesn’t mean we don’t love our kids with every ounce of our being. It’s just us being truthful about the Motherhood journey. Your life completely changes the minute you get pregnant, and even more so the moment your child is born. Some of these changes are amazing…and some of them are really hard. I yearn for the moments when Ryker goes to sleep so that I can catch up and do all the things I need to do - writing, reading, blogging, cleaning, laundry… you get the idea. My “me” time…that time I would spend binge watching shows, or relaxing on the couch no longer exists. Almost every hour of the day I am watching and monitoring a little human who runs around and wants to explore everything!
Going back to the Lake George trip for a moment: my Uncle (who we were staying with) told me he didn’t think I had fun. And let me break this down for you- Lake George prior to Ryker was us going out on a boat all day, drinking beers, laying in the sun, napping on the boat, and swimming on the Lake. Lake George with Ryker is quite a different experience: Scheduling nap time, is he cranky, where can he run around, is he too hot, the lake is too cold, he played on the beach for 20 min and now he wants to go ride the golf cart.
It’s not that with Ryker the Lake isn’t fun…it’s just different. It’s not the relaxing, chill vibe that it used to be. Now it’s about making sure my son is happy, safe, and content (a full time job).
At this point in time, Ryker typically wakes up anywhere between 5 and 7am. 7 is the BEST! 5 is rough. You just don’t know what you are going to get. I miss closing my eyes and letting my body decide when it wants to get up. I miss being able to go to an appointment without having to schedule a sitter for Ryker. I miss the freedom that comes with traveling to a quick weekend getaway….spontaneous and fun. Our calendar used to be filled with vacations and getaways. Now our getaways are few and far between.
Motherhood is stressful. From the minute you are pregnant you are making decisions that effect someone else’s life, and this continues on for years. Am I doing the right thing, am I making the right decisions, the right choices for my son and my family? It’s a serious job, being a Mom. It’s a HUGE job. The minute you open you are eyes to the minute you close them and even when you are sleeping…you have to be ON - you have to be ready. This job is 24/7 with very little breaks.
Am I scaring you? I don’t mean to. And my new six month pregnant friend told me she totally appreciated my honesty. This is what she was looking for. She wanted the truth. She wanted to know what to expect. What to REALLY expect. And I told her…this is just my experience. Everyone has their own experience. Some women are madly in love with their babies the minute they pop out…some women need bonding time and weeks to really feel that unconditional love for their child. Either way is ok. And both experiences are completely normal.
So why am I writing this? I don’t really know to be honest. Maybe I am hoping that some of you will find the raw truth refreshing. Maybe some people are wanting to know what it’s really like. Maybe some of you will think I’m just a miserable Mom, which I can assure you that is far from the truth. I have more laughs and hugs with my little boy than I can even being to share. But my truth is just that…my truth.
<3
P.S.
I would love to hear your experiences or your thoughts. Comment below! And if you ever have any questions about Motherhood please ask..Id love to talk about it!